1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? December 26th, some Preparation H, and a 12-year old scotch. 2. What is your greatest fear? Amazon.com 3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Can’t say no to cookies and milk. 4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Selfishness. Desire to … Continue reading Santa Claus Answers the Proust Questionnaire
“Hello. My name is Fred, an Elf on the Shelf, and I’m an alcoholic.” The group responds in its customary way. “I am getting close to 90 days sober.” The group claps. “The past 90 days have been a struggle, but my sponsor, Gordon, a Mensch on a Bench, has been with me all the … Continue reading An AA Meeting at the North Pole
For those of you who might not know, urinal screens are plastic screens found in men’s restroom that cover the holes in urinal to prevent larger things from being flushed down urinals. I assume most women have not spent a long time in men's restrooms and are not as familiar with urinals as men. The … Continue reading If Bitter Ex-Girlfriends Wrote the Messages on Urinal Screens
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Dear Evel, My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes breakfast -- still in the buff. We're newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there's really nothing wrong with it. What do you think? ED Dear Ed, For seven months in 1971, I … Continue reading Dear Evel…America’s favorite daredevil offers up hope, encouragement, and advice to those in a pickle.
Leader: Good morning, everyone. We will be getting started soon. Refill your coffee, grab a donut, and find your seat. [Murmuring, rustling of chairs, one faint curse can be heard from someone spilling coffee on their last clean shirt.] Leader: Great. Thank you all for coming. Looks like we have a full house this morning, … Continue reading A Recent Morning at The Phoenix Consultancy, an Outplacement Firm in Washington, D.C.
Dr. Seuss is known the world over for his fun-filled books and lovable characters such the Grinch, the Cat in the Hat, and who doesn’t love Zyyzer Zazzer Zuz? What is less known is how he came up with all his unique characters. Was it hallucinogenics? Did he lick toads as a fraternity hazing … Continue reading Theodore S. Geisel Will You Please Go Away Now! The Lost Works of Dr. Seuss