Enough is Enough! (by Bill LaViolette)

BY: UMBARA X
Staff Reporter
POW Sucka! Magazine

NEW YORK – Mid-30s Houston resident known only as “Bill” has publicly declared an end to his 12-day-old feud with multi-platinum rap star 50 Cent, despite the fact that the muscular, tattoo encrusted superstar publicly acknowledged that he has “no mutha-f***kin’ idea who in the hell this ‘Bill’ muthaf***a is and what ever the f**k he’s babbling on about. If I do see him, I’m gonna take one of the muthaf***in’ caps that’s still lodged in my muthaf***in’ ass and relocate it into that muthaf***a’s ass.” Fifty’s comments on the matter were followed by a spokesman for Interscope Records emphasizing that the rapper’s sentiments did not actually reinstate the feud, but rather put it to bed once and for all.

PHOTO 2_mugshot

AP File Photo: “Bill” in recent mug shot after incarceration from fall out from feud with Kenny Chesney.

The alleged feud began shortly after Bill viewed Fifty’s video for his latest single, “Candy Shop,” and declared, “How can anyone mumble through a song and call themselves a rapper is beyond me, but hey, at least he’s got a never ending stream of hot chicks in his videos…”

After muttering this statement to no one in particular, Bill declared himself at war with the recording artist, vowing to figuratively “Knock the marbles out of his gold teeth” during a “Rap Showdown” – an event he envisioned taking place at Madison Square Garden as soon as he could assemble an entourage and gather up enough vacation time to make the trip East.

This is just one of several “battles” that 50 Cent has had to deal with recently, as he and his protégé, The Game, have been slugging it out – both verbally and physically, cumulating with a dance-off and shoot-out tête-à-tête in front of NYC radio station Hot 97 FM, injuring one of The Game’s crew members.

The feud between these two was dismissed several weeks later when The Game and 50 Cent during a joint appearance in Manhattan, although no statement regarding the feud with Bill was made or really warranted. The Game told reporters that he had no comment on the matter as he has “no muthaf***in’ idea who that muthaf***a Bill is and if I did, I’d put a hot and spicy cap in his muthaf***in’ a** just for muthaf***in’ good measure and let that whitey muthaf***a know where I stand on this issue which I muthaf***in’ know absolutely no muthaf***in’ thing about. Muthaf***a.”

”Bill”, a technical writer and Houston, TX native, said he hopes that ending the beef will 50 Cent will set an example for the kids. “Although Fifty is cowering like the little beeatch that he is, I see this as a real opportunity to show the power of how two complete strangers can bury their differences even when one had no idea who the other one was. This is one small step for man and one giant leap for the kids, who I believe are our future. My prerogative from here on out is to teach them well and show them the beauty that’s inside of all of us. That’s the greatest love of all and I will always love them for that.” Adding, “Fifty and I are proving that real situations and real problems can be solved with real talk, even though I’ve never spoken directly to the man in my life. This can also be seen as a big step for my organization, Black Wall Street® (a joint subsidiary of Viacom, Clear Channel and 40 Foot Buffet, Inc) in terms of making a difference. Maybe we can help save some lives — the way rap music saved mine.”

Earlier this week, 50 Cent said the publicity surrounding his high-profile battles, while it may help his album sales, “hurts all my other ventures,” including his G-Unit clothing sales, tennis shoe deal with Reebok, line of beverages, pet sitting service, lawn maintenance company, bakery, tire repair shop, dry cleaners, taqueria chain and newspaper route. “I make more money away from music than I do from music,” he said.

“Bill”, who currently has no endorsement deals but is open to any offers, especially from In-N-Out Burger or Krispy Kreme, countered Fifty’s “bitching and moaning” by retorting, “boo-hoo-hoo, you’re breaking my heart. If you think thinly veiled threats from a complete unknown are bad for business, try working in a cube for 45+ hours a week and spending about 90 minutes a day sitting in traffic. Then we can talk, beeatchmufllagerslammishizzleuffaluffagus.”

 

Featured image caption: Bill (left), 50 and some other guy meet for the first time and decide that bustin’ rhymes is better than bustin’ caps.

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