Incident at the Bear House




TIME: 17:45
DATE: 2/18/2017
RESPONDING OFFICER: Winston E. Frey, Badge #18731
ADDRESS: 321 Woodlawn Lane

At approximately 13:00 hours on 02/16/17 I responded to a radio dispatch call of a breaking and entering at 321 Woodlawn Lane in Nurseryville. I informed dispatch that I was en route.

I arrived at the Bear household to find the man of the house, Mr. Thermopolis Bear, or “Papa Bear”, as he insisted I call him, angry and pacing the floor of his house. His wife, Martha Bear, or “Mama Bear”, was visibly upset and holding a handkerchief to a cut on her forehead. I took his statement first.

Papa Bear said that he, his wife and son, “Baby Bear” (no other name was given) went out for their usual morning constitutional while waiting for their daily breakfast of porridge to cool. Papa Bear said that Mama Bear insists on cooking the porridge in the microwave and that makes it too hot to eat right away. Upon returning from their walk Papa Bear saw that the front door was slightly ajar though he said that the door was closed when they left but not locked. Mama Bear said that they never lock their door as the neighborhood is very safe and have “never had any problems before. Why do you think we moved to this neighborhood?”

Papa Bear entered the house alone leaving Mama Bear and Baby Bear to wait outside. Upon entering Papa Bear said he saw their bowls of porridge had been disturbed and Baby Bear’s favorite chair from Pottery Barn Kids broken. Finding the downstairs clear Papa Bear said he went upstairs and checked the master bedroom and found it clear. He then checked Baby Bear’s room. There he said he found a young blonde woman asleep in Baby Bear’s bed. Upon seeing the woman Papa Bear growled, which woke the woman, at which point she jumped out of the bed, ran down stairs, out the front door, knocking down Mama Bear, and running away. At that point, Papa Bear called 911. Mama Bear said that she did not see which way the suspect ran. Baby Bear said he did not notice anything until Mama Bear screamed and fell off the porch as he was playing Minecraft on his iPad.

I was the first officer to arrive on the seen scene. I asked the Bear Family if they had disturbed anything in the house after calling 911. Each said they had not. Upon inspecting the kitchen I noticed two larger bowls of porridge that appeared to not have been touched. A smaller bowl was empty but showed signs of having been full of porridge. In the living room three chairs were aligned horizontally in front of a large flat screen television. Their There were no visible signs that the intruder had attempted to steal the television. The smallest of the three chairs had been broken and lay in many pieces on the floor. Several smashed remote controls lay nearby. It appears there was some frustration in figuring out which remote turned on the television. Seeing no other sign of disturbance downstairs I headed upstairs.

The master bedroom is at the top of the stairs to the right. There are separate beds for Papa Bear and Mama Bear (martial marital problems?). Both beds had been disturbed with covers thrown back and pillows on the ground. Mama Bear said that she had made both beds before heading out for their walk. I noticed Mama Bear’s Select Comfort Sleep Number preference was 25. Papa Bear’s indicated 65. There appeared no other sign of disturbance in the room. I noticed Mama Bear’s jewelry box was still closed. After examining it later, Mama Bear said that nothing appeared to be missing.

I next went to Baby Bear’s room. The bed had visibly been slept in. A pair of size six Manolo Blahnik leopard-print tie-front cut-out pumps were on the right side of the bed. The heel of the left shoe was broken off. Next to the shoes was a black Juicy Couture Elongated Clutch. I picked up the purse and examined the contents. Inside was: 1) a driver’s license for Ms. Goldie Locks; 2) $372 in cash (one $100 bill, two $50 bills, eight $20 bills and $2 dollars in quarters); 3) a platinum American Express card; 4) a pack of Marlboro Lights with four cigarettes remaining; 5) lipstick; 6) a compact mirror with an unidentified white substance; 7) seven French fries (origin unknown); ) a matchbook from the club The Rabbit Hole; and 9) an empty jewel-encrusted flask that smelled of tequila. A smashed bottle of Grey Goose vodka was across the room on the floor, evidently having ripped a “Down with Stephen Colbert” poster. There was a pool of vomit on the left side of the bed that appeared to be comprised of French fries, porridge,and several different kinds of liquor.

After examining the rest the house and finding no other signs of disturbance, I returned to Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear who had been waiting on the front porch. I told them that no other parts of the house had been disturbed. Papa Bear expressed concern that his prized collection of honey in the cellar in the basement may have been taken, especially is prized bottle of 1976 Sherwood Forest Honey. I checked and it was not.
I searched the area around the house and found no other signs of Ms. Locks’ presence or which way she may have fled. A hot pink Hummer with the license plate GOLDIE was several houses down. The vehicle had smashed the mailbox and was up on the curb. The vehicle was towed to the impound lot.

A BOLO has been issued for all surrounding counties.



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