(After Sir Mix-a-Lot with apologies to Archibald MacLeish) An arse should be palpable and ripe As a globed fruit, Round As soap bubbles in the air, Low to the bass-worn dance floor In tight jeans and Daisy Dukes An arse should lift me up, in trouble, Ready to yell “timber”. * An arse should not be … Continue reading Arse Poetica
• Stop doing that or I’ll take the bacon away! – Terry • It doesn’t look like we’re in America anymore. – J., age 12, while looking at the scenery of Utah. • But I saved $1,000 on the car rental! – Terry, as justification for doing anything that cost extra money. • Really?! … Continue reading Best Things Heard on Our Road Trip
By Guest Contributor Paul Moliken Ass not what your colon can do for you. Ass s what you can do for your colon. Keep your crack intact. It’s supposed to be brown, clown! Don’t get sneaky with your cheekies. Welcome to the digital age. Analog doesn’t mean THAT! Wellness for your smellness. Quite a spread you got … Continue reading Welcome to the Digital Age: More Rejected Slogans for the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons Colorectal Health Campaign
40 Foot Buffet now has original drawings! Click on "Tales from the Lunchbox" in the banner on the front page or here to see "notes" I have put in my sons' lunchboxes over the past five years. Many more to come. Enjoy.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? December 26th, some Preparation H, and a 12-year old scotch. 2. What is your greatest fear? Amazon.com 3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Can’t say no to cookies and milk. 4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Selfishness. Desire to … Continue reading Santa Claus Answers the Proust Questionnaire
“Hello. My name is Fred, an Elf on the Shelf, and I’m an alcoholic.” The group responds in its customary way. “I am getting close to 90 days sober.” The group claps. “The past 90 days have been a struggle, but my sponsor, Gordon, a Mensch on a Bench, has been with me all the … Continue reading An AA Meeting at the North Pole