By Guest Contributor Paul Moliken Ass not what your colon can do for you. Ass s what you can do for your colon. Keep your crack intact. It’s supposed to be brown, clown! Don’t get sneaky with your cheekies. Welcome to the digital age. Analog doesn’t mean THAT! Wellness for your smellness. Quite a spread you got … Continue reading Welcome to the Digital Age: More Rejected Slogans for the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons Colorectal Health Campaign
40 Foot Buffet now has original drawings! Click on "Tales from the Lunchbox" in the banner on the front page or here to see "notes" I have put in my sons' lunchboxes over the past five years. Many more to come. Enjoy.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? December 26th, some Preparation H, and a 12-year old scotch. 2. What is your greatest fear? Amazon.com 3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Can’t say no to cookies and milk. 4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Selfishness. Desire to … Continue reading Santa Claus Answers the Proust Questionnaire
“Hello. My name is Fred, an Elf on the Shelf, and I’m an alcoholic.” The group responds in its customary way. “I am getting close to 90 days sober.” The group claps. “The past 90 days have been a struggle, but my sponsor, Gordon, a Mensch on a Bench, has been with me all the … Continue reading An AA Meeting at the North Pole
For those of you who might not know, urinal screens are plastic screens found in men’s restroom that cover the holes in urinal to prevent larger things from being flushed down urinals. I assume most women have not spent a long time in men's restrooms and are not as familiar with urinals as men. The … Continue reading If Bitter Ex-Girlfriends Wrote the Messages on Urinal Screens
Ah, that was a refreshing nap. While my neck still has not become any wider, my napping skills have improved and have been called “impressive”, “epic” or, more negatively, “decadent” by those not so generous. While those adjectives are spot on, a nap for me is not just a nap. Far from it, in fact. … Continue reading On Napping, Part 2: A Field Guide to Naps & Advancements in Napping Technology